Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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