dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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