No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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