i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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