Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
