My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
