I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
