Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
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Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
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2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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