i just sent this text using only my big toe
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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