She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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