6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
