i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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