I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
zippers are such a cool invention
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
