Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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