the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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