I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize