where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
