if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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