I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
