Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize