I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
