HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
