Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
COCAINE IS GR8
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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