Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
