I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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