u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
