Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
