At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
