you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
