you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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