She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
