Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
