imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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