i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
