): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
