guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
