there's paper in my vomit.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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