i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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