I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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