this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
