i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
