Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
