I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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