Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
