I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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