Sry I called you an 8
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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