Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
