dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
