sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
