Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I did not marry a roomba.
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