I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Is this like a preordered booty call?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
