he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
