Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
"it" just moved
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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