Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize