I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
