Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
