god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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