I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
