Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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