direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
