Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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