I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
