I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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