My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
