Define "chronic" masturbator.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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