Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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