I CAN MOONWALK!
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
