dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
