she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
