two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
