Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
how do you play pong handcuffed?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
