Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
