The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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