Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We have started to decorate penises.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
