Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
