Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
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