Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
