he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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