What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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