your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
