It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
