I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
