I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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