I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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