i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She needs sedatives and a leash
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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